


She's An American Beauty (I'm An American Psycho)

by becca_the_quiet_one



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Shovel Talk, disgustingly cute, protective older brother matt, rating for pidges foul language, wow I use that one a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13103046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becca_the_quiet_one/pseuds/becca_the_quiet_one
Summary: "Of course Allura trusted Lance. he was a stellar teammate and a great friend, but his relationship skills were lacking."Lance and Pidge get together, and we get to see everyones (hilarious) reactions.





	She's An American Beauty (I'm An American Psycho)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I've been dead, but at least I didn't (completely) fail my finals.
> 
> Song has no actual relation to the fic. I just like Fall Out Boy

No one was sure how it happened, but Lance and Pidge fell in love. And around the two year mark of being in space, they started dating. Mixed reactions would follow.  
______________________________________________________________________________

One day, as Hunk walked towards the kitchen, he heard voices having an animated conversation.

“That can’t be true.”

“I swear on Shiros robotic arm it’s true.”

“I don’t believe it.” 

Hunk walked in to see the blue and green paladins sitting together one one of the kitchen counters. Lances eyes lit up when he saw him.

“Hunk!” He jumped away from the counter Pidge was sitting on. “Perfect, you need to hear this!”

“What are you two doing?” He asked Pidge. “I hope you aren’t doing anything...unsavory in here. We do eat in this room you know.”

“What? No.” Pidge shook her head. “But you need to hear the bullshittery Lance is sprouting right now.”

“Ignore her.” Lance waved Pidge off with a gesture of his hand. “Listen to this.”

“Listen to what exactly?” Hunk pulled up a chair, fully ready to hear Lances long winded spiel.

“Okay, so, do you remember how Pidge,” Lance gestured as if the samoan couldn’t see her. “My lovely girlfriend, got my phone to work?”

“It’s all you’ve been talking about.” Hunk didn’t mean the phone. Lance had been really energetic about dating Pidge. Seriously, it had been a month, and he’d barely talked about anything else.

“Of course, it’s awesome.” Lance hopped back up on the counter and looped his arms around Pidges shoulders. “Well, when I was thirteen-”

“A truly horrific time.” Pidge quipped.

If it had been anyone else, Hunk observed, Lance would have argued that point. But this was Pidge, so he let it slide.

“Anyway, I was really obsessed with this website with all these cool facts.” Lance reached for his phone. “And I had a weekly subscription for emails.”

“Well, at least it wasn’t a porn site like other preteen boys.” Hunk acknowledged dryly.

“Oh no, I just stole those from my brother.” Lance affirmed cheekily, earning him a head slap from Pidge.

“The emails, Lance?” Hunk smiled. These two reminded him of his mothers. Only slightly, because that was a little weird.

“Right.” Lance scrawled through his apps, searching. “Well, the altean version of Wifi isn’t completely compatible, so I can’t make calls or texts, but I can still see my emails from up until we left earth.”

“Okay?” Hunk asked, a dreadful feeling growing in his stomach, “You have some emails from a few years ago, what’s the big deal?”

Lance grinned evilly. “Oh no, these aren’t just a few emails from when I was thirteen. I never unsubscribed. 

He rubbed his hands together. “I’ve got hundreds.”

“Oh.” Hunk grimaced as he thought of what Lance might do with this information. Several tortuous months were in store if Lance decided to be annoying and bug everyone with stupid facts. 

“Oh indeed,” Pidge piped up, “So, we were looking through these together-”

“And we found this one.” Lance cut Pidge off, then began to read.

“If you give a yellow canary a red pepper,” He quoted, “It will turn orange.”

Lance and Pidge both turned to Hunk with excited faces, as if they’d just told him he won a million dollars. 

Hunk raised an eyebrow. “Okay? So why were you arguing?”

“Because there’s no way that’s true!” Pidge exclaimed. “You can’t change the coloring of something just because of the food you give it.”

“Well, I stand by the site,” Lance argued. “And did you never do one of those projects in kindergarten, putting a carnation in water with food coloring and turning it another color?”

“Okay first of all, no. In kindergarten I was building my first computer.” Pidge retorted. “Second of all, you can’t compare something simple like a flower to an actual animal with organs. The bird is way too complicated to change its color based on only one factor.”

“I love it when you talk nerdy to me.” Lance replied dreamily, which earned him another headslap.

“So why am I here?” Hunk was beginning to feel very uncomfortable with their flirting.

“We need an impartial third party.” Lance tore his eyes from Pidge. “Do you think it’s true?”

Hunk considered this for a moment. If he agreed with Pidge, she would hold it over lances head while he whined like a puppy dog. If he agreed with Lance, pidge would likely seek revenge. He did not want to feel wrath from either of them. Then a thought occurred to him.

“Wait, “ Hunk held up his hands in question. “You said there were hundreds of emails? Why are you arguing over this one?”

The evil smile was back. “Well, I couldn’t find anymore about birds?”

“Birds?”

“Yes.”

“Why?

Lance pulled Pidge into his lap. “I am dating a Pigeon, after all.”

Hunk stood up and walked straight out of the kitchen, thoroughly disgusted.  
______________________________________________________________________________

Several days later, Matt was helping pidge repair the training robots. Not that she needed him, but he’d take any chance to bond with his astounding little sister.

Due to the excessive heat the castle was currently experiencing, (Coran attempted to reenact his slipperies experience and flattened the air conditioner), Pidge had ditched her usual hoodie and was wearing a larger white tank. Not that Matt minded, he just wanted her to be comfortable.

“So Matt,” Pidge asked with a sly tone, “I’m with Lance now.”

“Begrudgingly, yes.”

“So you should ask Shiro out!”

Matt sat straight up. “Katie!”

“What?” She shrugged her shoulders. “It was obvious even before Kerberos.”

“I’m straight!” Matt crossed his arms, indignant. 

Pidge quirked an eyebrow and held up a spring from the robot. “This is how straight you are.” 

“Wow, rude.” He returned to reclining position.

“I’m only stating the truth.” she returned her focus to the robot, adjusting the straps of her tank top as she did so. And as Matt peered over her shoulder to see what she was doing, he saw it. 

Red, inflamed, and blatant, there was a hickey on his sister's neck. Scratch that, his baby sisters neck had a fucking hickey on it.

Matt leaned in for a closer look, careful to not arouse suspicions. It looked like she’d tried to cover it with makeup. Probably so he wouldn’t notice. Very sneaky Katie, very sneaky.

Very abruptly, he stood up from his chair and marched towards the door.

“What are you doing?” Pidge asked bewildered.

Matt stopped in the doorway, pausing for dramatic effect. “I’m going to punch your boyfriend to restore your honor.”

“Uh huh, sure.” Pidge laughed. “Could you bring me another screwdriver on your way back?”  
“Will do.”   
_____________________________________________________________________________

 

“So, you’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here today.” Shiro asked.

“It was less of a call and more of an order, but sure.” Lance replied.

“In any case, I’m sure you know why you’re here.”

“No, not really.”

“We need to have a talk.”

Lance sighed “Okay, I get that you’re about to give me the shovel talk or whatever-”

“Oh no,” Shiro replied as he pulled something out of his bag. “That’s not what's happening here. Take this.”

Lance looked down at the grey cloth Shiro was holding out. “A...piece of very ugly fabric?”

“Put it on.” Shiro commanded.

“Um?” Lance was extremely confused now. “Why?”

“Just do it.”

“Been reading up on stale Earth memes Shiro?” Lance asked as he draped the fabric over his shoulders.

To his surprise, his jacket disappeared under the fabric, blending into the cool blue and white of the walls.

“Wow!” Lance was astounded. “Shiro, did you find a real invisibility cloak?!?”

Shiro nodded his head calmly. “I found it last time we were at the space mall. Apparently they’re pretty common on a planet called Yaxisn, pretty far from anywhere we’ve ever been.”

“This is awesome!” Lance was covering different parts of himself, seeing what would disappear.

“I want you to have it.”

“Really!?” Lance snapped his head up to look at Shiro. “Why?”

“Because if you break Pidges heart, you’ll need it.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t-”  
“Oh, I’m not the one who’s going to hurt you,” Shiro smiled, “I’m just not going to stop her from murdering you and disposing of your body in ten different ways.”  
______________________________________________________________________________

Initially Allura was concerned about a relationship between two paladins. A serious break up could jeopardize the mission, affect decision making, and destroy the careful balance they had been working to create within the team.

She’d been two steps away from calling the whole thing off before Coran convinced her that it was a bad idea to do that. Yes, he agreed with her points that it could hurt the mission, but if she forbade them, then it sowed the seeds of secrets and distrust. Reluctantly, she agreed with him and allowed the relationship to continue.

If she were being honest with herself, she would know that it was also for a personal reason she did not want Lance and Pidge together. When they first met, Lance was known for being a womanizer, and flirted with anything on two legs and a decent figure. It felt like he couldn’t leave without trying to chat up the females (and sometimes males) of every planet they went. And even worse, he never seemed to return to them again, just leaving them behind in the dust.

Of course Allura trusted Lance. he was a stellar teammate and a great friend, but his relationship skills were lacking. 

Pidge had trouble forming emotional attachments. Out of all the paladins, she took the longest to completely warm up to everyone, and sometimes it felt like she still was. The loss of her brother and father had blindsided her, and Allura could relate. Losing another person close to her, especially if it was of their own volition, would emotionally cripple her. Being the only two girls on the ship, Allura felt a sort of protection over Pidge. She was like the sister she had longed for as a child, just ten thousand years too late.

Which was why she would of course deny spying on their date.

As she crouched behind the bushes, she rationalized her behavior to herself.

Yes, of course she’d insisted on a trip to the space mall so they could restock, not so she could make sure Lance was faithful. The earpieces she’d forced them to wear were purely in case of attack, not so she could listen to their conversations! She was watching them from behind the bushes because...because….

Well, she still couldn’t rationalize that one.

She squinted her eyes at the two paladins walking around the Earth store. Pidge seemed to be very excited about the selection of video games there, focusing all her attention on them. Allura turned her hawklike gaze towards Lance, sure that she would find him flirting with someone else while Pidge was occupied.

To her surprise, he was in the other corner of the store, attempting to quietly purchase a game Pidge had been looking at earlier.

“It’s for my girlfriend,” She heard through her own earpiece, “For our anniversary.”

Okay, so that was pretty cute. She resisted the urge to squeal, and followed the two as they exited the store, heading towards the food court. Along the way, she was spotted.

“Allura is that you?” Keith asked, dumbfounded, “Why are you wearing a mustache?”

Oh right. Coran had forced her to wear a disguise.

“Um? It’s...safer?”

Matt sighed “What are you actually doing?”

Allura slumped her shoulders. “Spying on Lance and Pidge.”

“Why would you do that?” Keith had his eyebrow quirked.

“I just…” As she tried to avoid his eyes, her fell on a scandalous sight, and she gasped.

“What is it?” Keith turned and followed her gaze. “OH. Move over, I’m staying here.”

As he crawled next to her and took the earpiece she offered him, she kept her eyes focused on the sight in front of her.

Namely, a tall, voluptuous alien who appeared to be quite interested in Lance. The creature was shoving herself against him, backing him into a wall.

“Are you really saying you don’t remember me?” She asked in a sultry voice.

Lance, to his credit, sounded very uncomfortable. “Um, no, sorry. Listen I really need to-”

“Lance?” Alluras eyes widened, and her heart broke at how devastated Pidge sounded.

“As I was saying,” Lance said, pushing the alien girl off, “I need to go because I’m spending the day with my amazing girlfriend on our six month anniversary, and I haven’t even given her my gift yet.”

“Wait,” Pidge asked. “You got me a gift? You didn’t have to do that.”

From where she was standing, she saw Lance wrap his hands around Pidges waist, ignoring how the alien girl stormed away.

“But I did. Because I love you.” He leaned down for a kiss.

“I love you too.” Pidge replied after it had ended.

Jaw on the floor, Allura turned to Keith, who did the same to her with a happy expression.

“See, there’s nothing to worry about.” He smiled, and suddenly she became very aware of how close they were. As did Keith, as his eyes widened and he pulled away, face red.

“I suppose you’re right.” She said with a face to match a tomato.  
_____________________________________________________________________________

As Keith walked into the training room, he was greeted by a very unpleasant sight.

Lance. And Pidge. Making out. Half naked.

“Really guys!?!” He yelled as he stormed out. “Here!?!?”

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if they stopped long enough to respond.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review and leave constructive criticism.


End file.
